Welcome to my new “blog,” The Bar Exam, where I “examine” a new bar every week. Get it? Since I’m new in town please feel free to leave any recommendations. When you’re knee deep in dead hookers and traumatized suspects all day, you really need to unwind.

First up is the lounge at Trump Tower. After three stiff Maitais I was singing Hail to the Chief! I’ve never felt so patriotic. Special thanks to the talented bartender and friendly patrons. Highest recommendation.

Also, good news everybody, my first and greatest-selling book, Spike’s 9 Laws is finally back in print to coincide with the release of my BRAND NEW masterpiece, Spike’s 9 Laws of Love. This handy guide covers all the basics I’ve observed over the years dealing with couples in various stages of their journey. So take it from me, buy this book NOW — it’s cheaper than paying alimony LATER if you don’t! Swing by the office and I’ll sign one for ya!

I don’t want to spoil all 9 rules, but here’s a freebie: never fall in love on the dance floor!

See you in court!

~Spike